


Janus's First Encounter with Little Patton

by DannyisDone



Series: First Encounters (Sanders Sides Agere) [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Age Play Caregiver Deceit | Janus Sanders, Age Play Caregiver Morality | Patton Sanders, Age Play Little Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Age Play Little Deceit | Janus Sanders, Age Play Little Morality | Patton Sanders, Age Regression, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Frog Morality | Patton Sanders, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, If I didn't tag something please lmk, Non-Sexual Age Play, Nonbinary Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, but just a bit, it isn't plot relevant but they're my comfort character and I get to pick the pronouns!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27835489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DannyisDone/pseuds/DannyisDone
Summary: This story contains Age Regression and is NOT sexual.Patton is supposed to be the Dad of the group, caregiving was almost a second nature to him. So he couldn't be little, right?+++Warnings: Crying, panic attacks, Patton talks badly about his own regression so please be careful when reading, if addition warnings are needed please let me know!
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, platonic DRLAMP
Series: First Encounters (Sanders Sides Agere) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017849
Comments: 3
Kudos: 114





	Janus's First Encounter with Little Patton

**Author's Note:**

> Did I say I was gonna write fluff? Sorry I meant more angst. Anyways, I had a lot of fun writing this! I took a nap halfway through this story though, so if the quality dipped that's the reason! If there are any glaring spelling or grammatical errors, please don't hesitate to point them out!

Caregiving came easily to Patton, as if it was second nature to him. 

He knew that in the way he would rock a weeping Virgil in his arms after a particularly hard social encounter, whispering comforts and praises and reminders that he was going to be okay. He knew that in the way he would kiss Remus and Roman’s scraped knees and scuffed hands when sent to their ‘Cool Down’ chairs after particularly rough bouts of play. He knew it in the way he would help Logan clean up after messy children’s experiments and would listen to the regressed boy ramble about all the chemical reactions that Patton wasn’t able to understand. He even knew it in the way he would gently tuck a blanket around a sleeping Janus when he would accidentally fall asleep on the couch, Patton shooing any other little away so as not to disturb him. 

Yes, caregiving came easily to Patton. 

However, being Little did not. 

He couldn’t help it, of course. They all age regressed in some capacity, though he had been much better at hiding it than the others. As far as they were concerned, he was Papa, or Dad, or whatever nickname the little decided on that day, and that’s all he was meant to be. And that was okay with Patton! He liked being a caregiver. He liked watching them play and holding their hands and making them snacks shaped like animals. It was as if it was the role he was meant to play, and everyone fell right into place. 

So why then did he so often find himself in his room, late at night, gently rocking himself with his stuffed frog close to his chest, wishing he was bigger? He didn’t want to be little. It made him feel wrong. It made him feel like somewhere along the line, he had messed up. All of his friends regressed for different reasons, none of which Patton could relate to. Janus, Remus, and Virgil were trauma and stress regressors, slipping when the world was just too much to handle and it was completely involuntary. Logan and Roman used regression as a stress relief, allowing themselves the headspace to step away from the hardest parts of their lives and take a moment for themselves, typically it was voluntary. 

And Patton felt he fell somewhere just in the middle of those two reasons, which just wasn’t valid enough for himself. He didn’t have trauma or experience overwhelming fear and stress the way the former three did. Plus, he could always feel when his regression was happening, and he could often deny its call, fighting to stay in his adult headspace, though not always. But it wasn’t strictly fun or relaxing for him, like it was for the latter two, because it left him feeling so vulnerable and afraid. He felt like an in-between, something that was too foreign to understand and too scary to try and explain. What if they saw what he saw? That he was just somewhere too far from either spectrum, and therefore couldn’t be a regressor. 

He finally laid down in his bed, curling up in his side with his toy pressed close to his face, just in case any of his tears threatened to become louder and he would need to silence them. He knew his regression had to be wrong if it made him feel so miserable. He wished he could just indulge, let himself feel safe and small just like the others. But this was not supposed to happen. This did not come naturally. 

+++

Patton awoke the next morning much later than usual. His brain felt groggy, but that was fairly typical for the moral side, especially after such intense nights of emotions. He peeked over the mountains of pillows to get a look at his alarm clock, surprised to see that it was almost 11 am. He prayed that someone had woken up big in order to make any side that was feeling little some breakfast. It was rare that all of the others regressed at the same time, though it had happened on occasions, particularly if Thomas was regressed himself. Patton sat up in his bed, stretching his whole body to try and wake up some more. It was also a wonder that no one had bothered to come wake him, Logan in particular being a stickler for time management and such. 

He rubbed his eyes, willing the fog in his brain to go away as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. Perhaps it was a good thing they had let him sleep in, he certainly felt like he could easily slip back to sleep for another hour or two if he wanted. He stood up from the bed, stretching some more. He still held his frog close to his chest, but he was safe to do so in the confines of his own room. He moved towards his bathroom to attempt his normal morning routine, but he really wasn’t feeling like doing it, a tiny bit of his negativity from the night before seemed to be carrying into the day. Patton would have to snap out of it though, he couldn’t be sad when he had little kiddos to take care of. As he splashed his face with water, the coolness bringing a calmness to his mind, he took a deep breath. He could do this, today would be just like any normal day. 

Except, when he opened his eyes and looked at himself in the mirror, he knew immediately it wouldn’t be a normal day. Along his neck and creeping up his cheeks, Patton could see green spots speckling his skin. His eyes went wide as fear threatened to make him regress again. What was happening??? 

“Shoot shoot shoot…” Patton whispered as he did everything he could think of to make the spots go away, knowing what they could lead to. He had only ever let his animal traits be seen once before, when he was overwhelmed and frustrated by his own inability to know what to do during the most recent Sanders Sides video. He wasn’t exactly ashamed of it or anything, but it represented his repressed emotions and feelings of inadequacy, and if the others saw it, they would know something was wrong, and Patton didn’t want to tell them. He didn’t want to burden them. 

He had to hide this. 

His first thought was to just try and close his eyes and will it away. But when he opened his eyes and saw that the green still freckled his face, he knew a different approach would be necessary. He decided that he would have to try and cover it with makeup. It wasn’t like Janus’s scales, which were textured and wouldn’t be hidden well. His frog skin was smooth and ran flush with his normal skin. He didn’t own much makeup, but had enough that he could blot on some foundation and hopefully that would work. 

He bent down and got into the cabinet below the sink where he kept most of his toiletries. He quickly tossed stuff around until he found his small makeup bag. All of the makeup he owned was for filming purposes, so things like foundation and blush and eyeliner, but not much else. He pulled out the foundation bottle and beauty blender and quickly began dabbing the makeup over any and all green he could see, which seemed to just be gathered on his face. 

He did not like the feeling of makeup against his frog skin, it seemed to suffocate under the layer, making it harder and harder for Patton to justify putting it on. He hated the feeling, but he needed to do it. He needed to be normal for his friends. He couldn’t be a regressor and he couldn’t be a frog. He had to be Dad! So though his eyes welled up just a bit at the uncomfortable sensations, he pressed on, knowing it was for the best. 

When he was finished, he quickly looked over himself. He looked miserable, but at least he didn’t look green anymore. He signed with relief, moving to put his supplies away. Well, at least that was one problem pushed under the rug for the day. He could worry about this later tonight, just like he did with his regression. He took a moment to stand in the mirror, trying to find a smile that didn’t look forced or pained. He schooled his face, knowing how to hide his feelings, plus, it wasn’t like it would be fake for long. As soon as he got a little to take care of, the euphoria of being a caregiver would take over once more, and he would be able to ride that wave throughout the day. Once he was satisfied with how he looked, he quickly got dressed, ignoring the green spots that littered his stomach and chest, knowing they would be covered up by his normal attire anyways. He did do a quick check of his arms and hands, just in case, but found now incriminating dots on him. Once he was done, he made his way towards the door and down the stairs. 

Breakfast had clearly already taken place, and it seemed that Roman must have been the one who made it, if the piles and piles of dishes in the sink were any indication. He was sitting next to Logan at the kitchen, both of them talking idly to one another. It was quite domestic. When the two finally noticed Patton, smiles grew on their faces that made Patton’s heart flutter just a bit. 

“Good morning, Patton.” Logan said, offering him a small head nod. 

“Morning, Padre!” Roman said quickly afterwards. Patton could tell that neither of them were regressed, which made sense. They typically only chose to be little when Patton was around to take care of them, and usually only on days that they didn’t already have work. It was a weekday, so Patton was sure that Logan had already scheduled out what he would need to get done this week, and Roman often wouldn’t regress unless Logan or Remus was as well, always just feeling a bit too embarrassed to do it without someone he could play with. 

“Morning boys!” Patton said cheerfully, the stress of the morning already beginning to fade away. “I see breakfast was already served?” He asked, moving further into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of cold coffee, before putting it in the microwave. It was so close to lunch anyways, Patton decided he would just hold off until then. He saw them both nod out of the corner of his eyes. 

“Janus and Virgil both woke up small and demanded I make them Mickey Mouse Pancakes.” Roman explained, rolling his eyes as if he had been annoyed by the action, though he was never one to miss an opportunity to show off his cooking skills. 

“I seem to recall you asking them if they wanted Mickey Mouse pancakes, and when they replied indifferently, you pouted and made them anyway.” Logan mused, smirking a bit when Roman sputtered and flushed, before looking away with another pout. 

“Hm, well I’m sure the answer lies somewhere in between those statements.” Patton said, opening the microwave when it beeped, though he could feel his skin crawl at the word ‘between’. He hid his discomfort by quickly taking a sip from the coffee, ignoring the burn as it scalded his lips and tongue. When he looked back at the other two, they didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong. He quietly sighed into his cup, before moving towards the table. 

“Are Janus and Virgil still regressed?” Patton asked, giving Roman a quick hug around the shoulders, since morning hugs were a very important part of the morning routine. Roman accepted the action and offered his own, wrapping an arm around Patton’s waist and hugging him back.

“Yeah, they’re in the living room with Remus, though I am sure they could use a break from watching the littles.” Roman explained before releasing Patton from his hold. When Patton offered the same to Logan, he quickly shook his head and instead offered a hand out to Patton. 

“Not a hug day.” He explained, and that was all Patton needed to know. His smile only grew as he shook Logan’s hand. 

“If you two need me, don’t hesitate to come find me! I’m gonna go check on the babies.” Patton said softly, earning him a nod from Logan and a quiet ‘of course’ from Roman. Patton was more than ready to slip into caregiver mode and simply let his day play out as normal. Perhaps by the time he turned in for the night, whatever was causing his frog traits to shine through will have been gone. Patton was wishfully hoping that maybe they were coming out because he hadn’t been in ‘Dad Mode’ much lately. The others had been regressing a bit less than normal this past week, probably because they were all about to start shooting the next video. Who knows. But to have two kiddos to take care of today, surely that would relieve some of his stress!

When he made it into the living room, he couldn’t help but quietly coo at the scene before him. Janus was sitting on the floor, wearing a yellow and black long sleeved shirt with leggings. His face held deep concentration as he scribbled all over a piece of paper with a green crayon, his drawing having no rhyme or reason. He was clearly very little, probably around two. Virgil, on the other hand, was a bit older. He was wearing his normal hoodie, zipped up, and instead of his normal jeans he wore leggings and a skirt. He was sitting on the couch, Remus on the floor between his legs. Virgil was putting braids in the creative side's hair, his tongue sticking out of his mouth. 

Remus was the first to notice Patton. They had just been watching whatever cartoon was on tv. They smiled widely, happy to see the other. 

“Morning, Pat!” They cheered, making the two littles turn from their very important tasks to look at the new addition in the room. Virgil offered a small wave with the hand that wasn’t currently holding a handful of Remus’s hair, while Janus was immediately babbling at him, reaching his arms towards the elder and demanding to be held. Patton chuckled as he bent down, easily lifting the smallest side into his arms, before moving towards the couch. 

“Good morning, kiddos! I see that we’ve been really busy this morning, huh?” Patton asked, looking at Virgil as he began braiding new strands of hair. He nodded in earnest, before patting Remus on the cheek. 

“Re said I could braid their hair!” Virgil said, before turning his attention back to said hair. Patton chuckled and leaned forward, ruffling Virgil’s own dark locks. He grumbled a bit at the action, but didn’t let it stop him from his work. Remus laughed and smiled, before looking up at Patton just as the moral side was settling down next to Virgil, placing Janus in his lap. 

"You gonna take care of them, Pops? Roman and I are supposed to get together and make sure everything is ready for filming.” They explain. And Patton couldn’t help the slight frustration he felt towards the question. Of course he would take care of them! It was what he was meant to do! He didn’t let the anger shine through though, instead simply allowing the smile he did not feel to stay plastered on his face. 

“I’ve got them, Remus, don’t you worry your pretty little head.” Patton said, taking a finger and poking their forehead. They chuckled a bit, before moving to stand, eliciting a long whine from Virgil, realizing that he wouldn’t be allowed to play with the other’s hair anymore. 

“Be good for Patty!” Remus said, leaning down and kissing Virgil’s head, something the little tried to scramble away from, squeaking in protest. He hid his face in Patton’s soft chubby arm and grumbled when Remus got what they wanted. Remus then turned their attention to Janus, who seemed to have occupied himself with playing with Patton’s fingers. Remus bent down and blew a raspberry on the regressor’s cheek, sending him into a fit of giggles as he hid himself in Patton’s neck. Patton chuckled at the display, holding onto Janus’s waist just a bit tighter to make sure he didn’t fall. He wished Remus good luck on their work as they left, before finally letting out a content sigh. 

“Can I braid your hair, Dad?” Virgil asked, looking up at him from where he was leaning against Patton. 

“Sorry kiddo, I think my hair might be a little too short for braids.” He explained, moving a hand up and down Janus’s back as the baby went back to playing with his fingers. “But, if you want to go get your nail polish kit, you can paint my nails.” He offered. He knew Virgil loved painting people’s nails, especially when regressed. It didn’t always come out great, but he had a steadier hand than one would think for the literal embodiment of anxiety. Virgil smiled and nodded, moving off of the couch. 

“Okay! Don’t leave!” He said before running off to his room. Patton just chuckled, of course he wasn’t going to leave. This is where he belonged. He turned his attention towards Janus, who was now making Patton’s hand give his own hands high fives. 

“Would baby Jay like his nails painted too?” Patton asked, taking control of his hand once more and tickling lightly at the other's belly. Janus giggled, nodding his head before flopping it back into Patton’s neck. Patton lightly bounced the other on his lap while he waited for Virgil to return. It wasn’t a long wait, the little zooming back into the living room with as much of his kit he could carry in one trip. He didn’t seem to care that he was acting quite silly, which Patton was so grateful for. Virgil was sometimes so scared to be silly when he regressed because he was afraid to be a bother. 

Patton refused to think about how he felt the same way. 

Virgil sat himself on the floor next to where Janus’s drawing had been forgotten. He started pulling out different color paints and stickers and such. Patton stood, carrying Janus with him back over to the table. He sat Janus down to the left of him before sitting down. Janus was not happy about no longer being in someone’s lap, but was immediately content when his paper and crayons were placed back in front of him and he continued his lawless scribbling. Patton couldn’t help the bubbling giggles that came from the display, before he was being prompted by Virgil to give him his hand. 

“What color are you thinking, Virge?” Patton asked, watching as the little held up different shades to inspect them, then putting them away when he deemed them unacceptable. However, when Virgil ended up holding a shade of green that was just a bit too familiar currently, he couldn’t help the small flinch he gave, though it went unnoticed by the two beside him. 

“What about this one?” He asked, showing off the green color, aptly named ‘The Frog Prince’. Patton held back the grimace he felt in his bones. 

“It’s cute, I would love to have it!” He exclaimed. Virgil was just about to say something, when Janus suddenly started whining. 

They both turned to look at the regressor and noticed he had his nose scrunched up and was shaking his head, as if he had tasted something he didn’t like. When the sensation seemed to pass, he looked rather confused, as if he wasn’t sure what had happened. He blinked a few times, before finally noticing that the others were looking at him. 

“You okay, Jay-Jay?” Virgil asked, Patton mirroring his concern. Janus gave a hesitant nod, before looking back at his paper. He obviously wanted to communicate something, Patton could tell by the way he would open his mouth and then quickly closed it, unable to figure out the words. Finally, he looked back at the moral side, placing his thumb in his mouth. 

“Oh, do you want your paci?” Patton asked, earning another, more confident nod from Janus. Patton was able to summon it, gently taking Janus’s thumb out of his mouth and replacing it. Janus seemed to sigh around the pacifier, relaxing once again, before returning to his coloring. Patton was relieved that everything seemed to work itself out, wondering if maybe Janus had simply managed to get a bit of crayon in his mouth while no one was looking. He turned back to Virgil. 

“Alright, you ready to make my nails look ribboting?” He asked, wiggling his fingers at Virgil, who laughed and loudly told his Dad to stop being silly. Virgil took one of Patton’s hands and got started, painting each one the lovely shade of green. Patton watched his little work, praising him every moment he got, which managed to get Virgil all blushy and whiny, but Patton knew he secretly appreciated the compliments. He would occasionally look over at Janus, just to make sure he was still doing okay and wasn’t putting any crayons or fingers in his mouth, but was still having a ball with his own artwork. 

When Patton’s nails were all painted, a few froggy stickers added to his ring fingers as accents, Virgil asked to paint Janus’s nails next. Patton helped the snake-like side back into his lap. It was a lot harder to keep Janus from squirming and pulling his hands away, not because he didn’t want pretty nails but because he simply did not understand he had to stay still. However, once Patton was humming quietly and stroking Janus’s arm, the little managed to calm down enough to let his hand be taken by Virgil. He had decided on using a nice shade of bright red because ‘Janus likes showing off to Roman, and that’s Roman’s favorite color.’ (Janus was too young to feel offended, and he would absolutely show it off to Roman the first chance he got.) 

Sitting like this, with Janus in his lap and Virgil happily smiling, it reminded Patton why he liked this, why this was where he belonged. It felt good to make the others happy, especially when so much could manage to make them sad or overwhelmed. He thought about how he had spent last night, curled up crying in his bed. That wasn’t normal. He should be able to handle his own emotions better. He wasn’t little, he decided then and there. Regressing was something that people needed, and Patton neither needed it or wanted it. His stomach did not seem to like his decision, and flipped on him, making the fuzziness of said regression that he absolutely did not do, flood the corners of his mind. He swallowed hard, fighting it off. He was a caregiver, that was what he wanted to do. 

A soft hand was suddenly touching his cheek, and Patton had to quickly jerk away, not wanting the offending hand to find out about his makeup. When he blinked, his vision clearing, he realized he had zoned off, his eyes had started to tear up, and Virgil was the one gently touching his face, trying to grab the other’s attention. 

“You okay, Dad? You weren’t listening to me.” Virgil said, before gesturing towards Janus’s hands. He had finished painting them and Janus was still relaxed enough to be letting them dry with little fuss. Patton offered a weak smile, guilt eating at him and making his stomach hurt more. 

“Of course, I’m okay, kiddo.” He said cheerful, but before anything more could be said, Janus was suddenly sputtering, the pacifier falling from his mouth. Patton and Virgil shared concerned looks, before Patton was quick to pick up the pacifier and look over the boy’s mouth. 

“Did something yucky get in your mouth, baby?” Patton asked, though he was beginning to get a sinking suspicion about what was going on. Janus whined, clearly not liking whatever kept causing the nasty tastes. He looked at Patton weakly, and the moral side couldn’t help but feel like he was reading right through his soul, leaving him feeling way too vulnerable. A distraction was needed. 

“Why don’t I start making you kids some lunch, hm?” Patton suggested, hoping that would be able to pull him from his own thoughts. He needed to get out of his head now, or else he might do something to worry the littles even more. Virgil was still frowning though, clearly not ready to end the conversation. 

“Dad, you were crying! Do you want me to get someone Big?” He asked. He didn’t mean anything by it, and Patton knew that. He was just asking if he should go get another adult to help the situation, but Patton could not help the resentful feelings he was suddenly feeling. He was Big! He could handle this on his own, he had to. If he couldn't be a good caregiver, where did that leave him? Somewhere in the middle. 

“No! It’s okay! I promise!” Patton soothed, but he wasn’t watching his words carefully enough. Janus was fussing now, getting fairly fed up with the sensations on his tongue and still not understanding where they were coming from. Patton was quick to begin rocking Janus, helping to turn him around in his hold so that the regressor could lay down On his shoulder and Patton could pat his back. Patton could feel his own anxiety spiking, which means it wouldn’t be long until Virgil knew something was wrong. He moved to stand up, Janus wrapping his legs and arms around his body to make carrying him easier.

“Let’s just go make lunch, okay?” He asked, hoping his eyes didn’t reveal how terrified he suddenly was of being caught. Virgil looked up at Patton hesitantly, clearly unsure. But this was Patton, this was his Dad! Patton needed Virgil to trust him. Which is why when Virgil stood up, taking Patton’s hand and nodding slightly, he sighed in relief. He could fix this, he just had to be more careful. 

He led them all into the kitchen, which seemed to have been cleaned since when he was in there earlier. He led Virgil to his spot and coaxed him to sit down. He was clearly still a bit concerned, but Patton was convinced he could wash that away with some cute jokes and yummy food. He set Janus down on a chair next to Virgil. Janus didn’t seem to mind being put down this time, which made Patton’s heart hurt a little bit. Hopefully Janus wasn’t getting upset with him.

“Alright, what should I make?” Patton asked, moving towards the stove. He heard Janus babble incoherently, as if answering the question. When he turned back around, Virgil was nodding along. 

“I agree, Jay, we want Mac’n’Cheese!” Virgil declared, letting his concerns slip away as he eased back into his headspace. Patton finally felt a genuine smile returned before he began pulling out what he needed for the requested meal. It didn’t take long for the meal to cook, and while the water boiled Patton made sure to stand near the boys and listen in on their ‘conversation’. Virgil was mostly talking about what color he would paint the other side’s nails if they came by, and how he wanted to add little white dots to Janus’s nails if he would be able to sit still again. Janus would ‘respond’ back on occasion, sometimes almost forming words, but nothing close to coherency. Patton was so enamored with the antics he almost forgot he was cooking, and quickly had to return. 

Once lunch was made and served, Patton sat down beside Janus, offering to feed the little. He accepted the offer, but was still having a hard time meeting Patton’s eyes. Patton didn’t make himself a plate, didn’t think he could eat even if he wanted to, his stomach still uneasy and it wasn’t helping that Patton was becoming more and more convinced that Janus was upset with him. As he continued to feed spoonfuls to Janus, he found himself getting lost in his thoughts once more. Until Janus’s small voice cracked through forming fog and frustration. 

“Green.”

It was like a splash of cold water and a warm fuzziness all at the same time. Janus almost never spoke when this tiny, no one had really been sure if he knew how to. Patton and Logan had tried teaching him a few times, but he had seemed very uninterested, so they were content to just leave him alone. He typically knew how to ask for the things he wanted anyways. So to hear Janus speak, it was almost exhilarating, until Patton noticed what he was pointing at, and it made his whole body grow cold. 

Green spots were speckling his arms now, crawling their way up under his sleeves. Patton couldn’t stop the way he jumped up from his chair and looked at them in horror. Virgil’s eyes grew wide.

“What’s happenin’ Dad? You sick?” He asked, worry washing over his face as he made to stand up too. Patton could feel the fear that was striking him like lightening. What was he supposed to do? He needed to reassure them that everything was okay, he didn’t want to send his littles into a panic, because then they would know. They would know something was wrong with him. He could feel frustrated tears prick his eyes. 

“I’m sure it will go away soon, buddy!” Patton didn’t think it was a lie, he had already convinced himself that it was nothing, hadn’t he? But the way Janus scrunched his nose up and whined, spitting at the taste of the falsehood told the moral side otherwise, and he could feel more panic settling in him, and with the panic came the desire to drop and hide. But he needed to be a caregiver, he needed to stay Big! What good was he if he couldn't?

Virgil was getting more scared, backing away slightly, and it wasn’t helping that Janus was getting fussy too, as if confirming that something wasn’t right about what was happening. Patton held his hands up in a reassuring manner, but the anxious side remained unconvinced. 

“I-I’m gonna get Logan,” Virgil said before running off. Patton could feel the panic settle more and more in him. 

“No no, he’s not gonna understand!” He yelled, his tears finally falling. None of them were going to understand. He couldn’t be little, he wasn’t like them. He had to be a dad. He couldn’t be something in the middle. He could feel his own skin growing tighter, and if he was brave enough to open his eyes, he would probably see more green skin than before. But he wasn’t feeling brave. He was feeling absolutely terrified. When he heard footsteps running back in, Patton couldn’t help the sob that escaped him. They were all going to think he was weird, that he was wrong, that he wasn’t valid. 

“Patton, are you alright?” Logan’s voice was gentle, but that only made Patton feel worse. That was Logan’s soft voice that he reserved for when talking to the other littles, and Patton was not a regressor! He was something else, he was something bad! 

“I-I’m fine, m-maybe I just need a nap?” He reasoned, but he could hear Janus sighing, and it just made Patton feel worse. Maybe he wasn’t a good caregiver, if he couldn’t even manage to keep the others from worrying about him. Suddenly, there was a gloved hand stroking his arm. Patton finally took the moment to open his eyes to see what was going on. 

Janus was standing beside him, back in his normal attire, an indicator that he was no longer regressed, and that sent Patton spiraling. Because he had managed to pull Janus out of his headspace and force him to come comfort him, this wasn’t supposed to be happening. He felt another pair of arms touching him, and when he looked over he saw Logan soothingly patting his back, Virgil standing right behind him, glancing at Janus nervously, because if Janus was big, Virgil was probably thinking he needed to be big. 

Patton was ruining everything. 

“S-stop!” He pleaded, his hands moving into his hair to grip it tightly. He was still crying, he couldn’t manage to ebb the flow. He just needed to get out of this room and away from everyone. He didn’t want them to see him, he didn’t want them to know. 

“Patton, tell us what’s wrong.” Janus encouraged, refusing to stop his petting. Patton just shook his head. He couldn’t tell them, he couldn’t tell them! 

Patton pulled away from everyone and ran towards his room. He had messed everything up, they were going to find out that he regressed and that it wasn’t okay the way he did it. They were going to be angry because they didn’t want a little Patton to take care of, they needed to be taken care of themselves. He didn’t even care that it was so childish and heavily concerning that he was just running away. He just needed to get to his room and figure this out on his own. None of the others should have to deal with him. He wasn’t little. He wasn’t little. He wasn’t little. 

When Patton managed to get into his room, shutting the door behind him quickly, he was starting to feel like that statement was less and less true. He crawled into his bed, finding his Froggy and pulling it close. His skin felt wrong, and his eyes were hurting, and he just wanted to pretend like none of this was happening. If he was a regressor, but he wasn’t like the others, then how would they ever trust him? Would they still want him to be their Papa when he was big? Would they even want to be around someone whose regression was so different from theirs? Was he making it up all in his head for attention? Patton was shaking, he didn’t know what he wanted or how to think. He wanted someone to tell him what to do and how to think about this, which was against everything he was. He was morality, he was supposed to know how to handle things, he was supposed to have answers! He started hiccupping, which sounded just a bit more like croaking in his current state. 

“You need to breathe, Patton.” A voice said, scaring Patton into a sitting position. He hadn’t heard anyone come in. When his eyes cleared a bit, he saw Janus sitting on the edge of his bed, sympathy in his eyes that made Patton feel so much smaller. He hiccupped a few more times, swiping at his face to get rid of the tears, his makeup running and revealing all the spots he had tried so desperately to hide. 

“Are you regressed?” Janus asked, and it seemed to restart the process all over again as sobs began to return. He tried shaking his head, but what would that matter? Janus could sense lies anyways. But he wanted it to be true. He didn’t want to be little. When Janus scooted closer, Patton scooted further away, not wanting to force the other to take care of him. 

“I don’ wanna be little!” Patton cried, loathing how small he sounded. “It’s weird, I’m weird.” He said. He closed his eyes tightly so he didn’t have to see the disappointment on Janus’s face. He held his toy closer and wished it would ease some of the tightness he felt in his chest. He heard more shuffling, then felt himself being pulled into a hug. He didn’t resist it, comforted by the way hands slowly started rubbing circles into his back as he hiccupped into Janus’s shoulder. His clothes felt scratchy against his frog skin, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to be held. 

“Do you think it’s weird that the others and I regress?” Janus asked, already knowing the answer. Patton shook his head no, because of course not! They needed to regress for certain reasons, it was healthy for them. It was only weird for Patton. He shouldn’t need to do it! It wasn’t okay for him to do it. 

“I can’t be little, m’different.” He tried to explain, finding that words were becoming harder and harder. It was so scary feeling vulnerable and unsure of himself, but Janus was shushing him quietly, rocking their bodies back and forth, just like Patton did to self soothe. It did manage to make him feel calmer, and his sobs were going away, leaving him to silently cry. 

“You can be little, no matter how different it is from mine or anyone else’s regression.” Janus said softly, summoning another arm to begin stroking Patton’s hair. It sent tingles through his brain, and Patton couldn’t help himself when he sighed, feeling himself relaxing into Janus. His eyes were closed, and he could probably easily fall asleep like this, but Janus’s words were ringing in his ears a bit. He didn’t think they would accept him if he was little, but here Janus was, telling him that it was okay. 

Maybe it was okay. 

“You should have told us sooner, we could have helped you before you croaked under pressure.” Janus said, a small smile forming on his face. Patton giggled just a bit. 

“Was that a frog pun?” He asked, still keeping himself buried into Janus. 

“Absolutely not, I would never hop on such an opportunity.” Janus said, earning more and more giggles from the little in his arms. 

Once Patton was settled back down, he let himself be rocked quietly. He felt a bit silly, of course his friends would accept him, no matter what. He should have known that, but fear has such a funny way of convincing you that you have to hide. Patton could feel his skin grow more and more human the closer he got to drifting off to sleep. He would tell the others, and they would accept and love him, just like he had accepted and loved them. Because caregiving had always come naturally to him. 

And so did being little.


End file.
